Reporter Diaries
“He wants you, too, Malachai,” said Isaac, the prophet, of He Who Walks Behind the Rows.
“Children of the Corn” was released in 1984. Even today, 41 years later, cornfields still creep me out. Finding myself in the middle of one all alone... it scared the piss out of me.
Reporter Diaries is a behind-the-scenes look at my time at the Southern Standard, which spanned almost two decades. Specifically, the things I saw, the comments I heard, and the shenanigans I got myself into on a regular basis.
There were key words to listen out for on the police scanner: with injuries, rollover and entrapment are three biggies when it came to wrecks. On this fateful day, I’m listening to another dufus try to outrun Warren County’s finest.
Criminals are not the brightest people. Once, a fleeing motorist called 911 on pursuing deputies because he believed they had to stop at the county line. I’m listening to this all unfold on the scanner, and I was cracking up with laughter. After the chase came to an end, he was escorted back to Warren County in the back of a cruiser that I bet smelled like bologna and regrets.
So, here I am listening to another individual trying to outrun law enforcement. He’s on Viola Road with deputies in hot pursuit. In the area of Bob Ramsey Road, he takes a detour through a cornfield. The vehicle gets stuck, an ‘oh, shucks’ moment – pun intended. He took off on foot and was taken into custody before I arrived on scene.
As I looked around, the vehicle couldn’t be seen. It was buried in this cornfield. I’m thinking to myself that at least there is law enforcement around me. It didn’t help the one in the movie, but it still gave me a miniscule amount of courage. Regardless, I was reliving every twisted scene of that movie as I walked to where the vehicle stopped. Upon my arrival, all the deputies left. I was alone and said a silent, “Hey, you guys!” If you know what movie that line is from, leave it in the comments on Warren County Way’s Facebook.
To get the picture I wanted, I had to walk behind the rows. Not kidding in the least. I’m alone. I’m scared. I swear I heard a demonic deity rustling all around me. I started repeating The Lord’s Prayer.
What I learned from this experience: Bathroom break before I leave the office or start wearing Depends.
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